The door locked behind us as I followed Andrei through a narrow corridor to the bedroom. He sat carelessly on the bed, patting at his side so I'd follow -- so I did. He patted my shoulder. "You care too much about everyone, Sasha. Let go. Let go already."
"I swear I'm trying. It's just..."
"It looks worse than it is." He looked into my eyes. "Say, do you know how it feels? Have you ever tried that one?"
I shook my head. I knew where this was going -- and I welcomed it.
"Would it help? Do you want to?"
"Do it."
He grinned widely. His excitement was obvious, but it wasn't filled with cruelty this time. He pushed me to lay onto the bed, and gently put the bag around my head, not yet covering it. "Do you trust me, Sasha?"
I couldn't help smiling. "With my own life."
He laughed at my words while holding my hands with a vice-like grip, before closing the bag, leaving very little air on it.
I immediately felt the low oxygen, the plastic clinging to my skin as I breathed in. I could see a hint of his gleamy eyes behind the light plastic, so I focused on that. This was nothing else than another test, and even though I had seen what the body does when in dire need of air, I was still willing to try to maintain control as long as possible.
Yet Andrei always knows how to get you by surprise. He pulled me up into his arms, my hands still trapped in his, and started talking softly into my covered ear. "How does it feel, Sasha?"
"It's... obvious there's little oxygen." I fought hard against the urge to tear it off.
"Let go. You can't win this." And he twisted my hands.
The unexpected pain made me snap, took all my self control away, and I started thrashing around. Except he held me tight, so I couldn't really move. My body wanted to fight, my every cell wanted to fight. Air. You don't know how hard can you miss it 'till you lack it. Yet there was nothing I could do, but to panic. And so I panicked hard, my brain ignoring the part of me that knew well that nothing bad would actually happen.
...
I opened my eyes to see him hovering over me, softly caressing my cheek. "Wake up, Sasha. I'm here. It's okay. I'm here."
I closed them again and hugged him, hard. I had passed out, I realized. I finally looked at him. "It's worse than it looks."
He laughed. "Yeah, I know. Say, do you want to try again?"
I looked at him, understanding. Realizing where this was going. "How. How can you do it."
He leaned even closer to me. "Do you want me to explain?"
In a moment of madness, I nodded.
He got up and went to search for some handcuffs, while I sat on the bed, uneasy, my heart beating hard. Could I? Shit. I knew I had to. He finally found them, managed to put them on with his hands on his back, and almost dived into the bed, grinning like a madman. "Well, you know what to do."
I stared at him. I couldn't. "You haven't explained anything, you know."
His smirk was cold and calculated. "Okay, okay. Say, how does it feel? To have everything in your hands? Feel it, Sasha. How does it feel to have me completely at your mercy?"
SHIT. I couldn't help sighing. "I... I can't do this." I crawled closer to him, almost hovering over him. "But I... I need to know. Say, what's the worst you could do? To me?"
"You know me. Do I really need to tell you?"
I nodded. "Yes. Yes, I want to hear it."
He seemed to think of it, still grinning, more of a mask than the real thing. "Well... that depends on what you've done."
"Your worst."
His grin vanished for a moment, only the cold, frozen sea remained behind. "Well... If you were to betray me... I won't lie to you -- I'll make you regret it. I won't have mercy on you just for being you. I... haven't really thought what would take to break you, but... I'll find it, rest assured of it." He finally let a hint of a smile show up in his eyes. "But I'm sure you're not the kind of idiot who gets there, Sasha."
No, of course not. And of course this wasn't news. But that didn't make it hurt any less. I knew--I knew well he cared. Yet he was a heartless madman -- who wouldn't think twice about hurting me. I sighed, hard. "You know, I can't do even this. When I know there's no risk involved. How? How do you do it?"
He sighed. "Look at me, Sasha. Didn't you say you'd do anything I asked? Well, then let go of your nonsense and put that damned bag over my head already."
I looked into his eyes. Have you ever seen the Void in the sea? ... I knew I had to. So I did. I sat on his belly so he couldn't move, and I gently put the bag over his head, tying the rim just airtight.
He still had that grin of his. "Now, Sasha. Feel it. How does it feel, huh? ... Let go. Don't take it out before I faint, or I'll ask you to do it again. Deal?"
I nodded, uneasy. It didn't feel as he thought it did. I knew well it was a test. I knew well what he was doing, and it only made it all the more distressing.
He ignored my expression, of course. "Well, that is, unless you want to do it again. Then go ahead, take it off before."
Goddamned bastard.
"You know what? Do it, Sasha. Do it. Make that decision for yourself."
... "So what if I indeed do it. Huh?"
He grinned harder, trying hard to keep control of his body, which had already started screaming for air. "Wait. No. You can do it again if you want, but don't stop. Feel it. Let go of the nonsense and feel it." He closed his eyes as his breath rate skyrocketed.
I reached for his heart -- much easier to find the pulse than in the neck, honestly. It was racing too. Shit. What if you have a heart attack, you fool. You aren't a teen anymore, you know.
But I waited, 'till it was quite obvious that he was unconscious -- his body still fighting, but his mind had given up. I quickly tore the bag off of his head. His breath soon was back to normal, his heart beating fast but not as if it wanted to jump out of his chest. I couldn't find the words, so I just petted his cheek, softly, caring.
He finally opened his eyes -- a couple seconds of a disoriented stare, followed by an extra wide grin, a playful gleam in his eyes that made me want to drown in them.
I hugged him, hard. He took the chance to whisper in my ear. "Again."
