Bloodlust (Epilogue) - Payment

That evening, Andrei called me back to his office.

"So... you want payment, don't you? ... Well, this is a fair payment for your work," he said as he handed me a check, with more zeros than I was expecting. He didn't gave me a chance to protest. "But, you didn't came here for vile money, did you? You want a reminder. So you can't possibly forget why you're here."

I hesitated. "...Yeah."

"Follow me, then."

He got up and unlocked the side door, signing me to follow him as he entered through it.

My heart sank as I saw the room. It was pretty much like the detention area cells, fully white and well illuminated, except this one was all splattered with what I hoped would be red paint. In the center, a metallic stretcher, full of ropes and leather straps hanging from the side bars.

He looked at me, clearly amused. "Now, don't you tell me you're scared of this, are you?"

I couldn't answer. My mind started racing. A safe room was not the safest place to be locked in with someone like Andrei. Did he want me too?

He seemed to read my mind. "Calm down, Sandy. I just don't want to make a mess of my office, the stupid janitor throws a tantrum every single time, and ... I can't really find a substitute, you know."

He drew one of those folding chairs from a corner, and signaled me to sit on it. "You see, Doc came up with this." He pointed to the bucket placed on top of the stretcher. "It's... like a tattoo, except much faster. Pigment is just tattoo ink, actually. But it also has an acid - designed to dissolve the outer layer of skin, so ink can get in."

I got up and looked into it. It was a deep red. Andrei pat my shoulder. "After the other day, I thought you would like it. Won't come off unless... laser removal, you know."

I stared at the crimson liquid, memories of the other day flying through my mind.

"Though I must warn you - it hurts like a bitch. But pain goes away, and... the reminder will last forever - or at least as long as you want. Red is quite easy to remove, just in case you didn't knew."

I wasn't afraid of pain. I kept my eyes locked on the bloody surface, my mind full of memories - these ones more recent. Yesterday. The man - the girl. Their screams piercing my ears, their blood soaking everything, my own madman's joy and my shattered soul. I couldn't possibly go back.

And so, I dipped my hands in the bucket, almost to the elbow.

It burned. Badly. I let out a silent scream - too used to hide any reaction to pain.

Andrei held my hands submerged. "Just a bit longer, let it act. Pain won't last long, Sandy. Trust me."

Five minutes later, I was in tears. He finally let me get my hands out, sprayed them with some chemical - to neutralize the acid, and proceeded to bandage them, gentle as a feather.

"You're now one of us, Sandy. Now, the contract. Legal stuff, you know."

"Wait. Before that. I want the mark too."

He glanced at me in surprise. "You don't have to, Sandy. You already have your reminder, and I know I can trust you. There's no reason for a mark."

"I want it anyway."

He sighed at me. "Okay. Let me help you remove that shirt - you'll have to be careful with your hands for a few days..."

"No Boss. Not in my chest."

Andrei stared at me as if I was a nutcase. "You're mad, Sandy. You don't have to do this, boy."

"I wouldn't be here if I was sane, would I? I've made up my mind. I want it. I want to not forget, ever."

He rolled his eyes. "Okay. As you wish." He grinned, proud of me, as he drew a knife - always out of nowhere - and told me to lay in the stretcher. He then tied my hands, tight enough so I couldn't free myself. The rope burned into the skinned flesh, but I ignored the pain.

He grinned again as he leaned over me, immobilizing my head with one hand, and proceeded to carve an x on my cheek. I took in the pain, and gleefully let it overwhelm me - there was no way out now.

Bloodlust (7) - Allie

The target started muttering again, so I pointed at the screen showing the next room, where the girls hadn't moved an inch. "I'm gonna bring them here."

And so I did. I dragged both chairs - women included - in front of him.
 
"Good. Now, I'm gonna ask you a question, and you've gotta answer. Got it?"

No answer, only nonsense.

I ignored it and, gun back in hand, hunched over him so I could whisper in his ear. "Okay. So, who gets to live?"

"No, No, No, please, no, not them, not...."

I pressed for an answer.  "Will you save your lovely wife? Or would you rather save little Allie?"

"I'm not a kid." Protested the girl.

I couldn't help to smile. "Kid, look, you're not exactly in a position to protest, are you?" I removed her blindfold.

Surprisingly enough, she was calm. "What will you do? Kill us? Go ahead. Do it."

I smiled, trying to maintain my own self-control. She... had something in her eyes, I noticed as I held her cold stare. She deserved a chance. A sick and twisted one, but a chance nonetheless. I answered her question. "You think that's the worst I can do?"

She lowered her voice to a whisper. "Show me your worst."

Wow. I was amazed at her audacity. I wondered where it came from - what had she gone through. Yes, she definitely needed a chance.

I pointed the gun at the woman's head. "So you don't care about mommy?"

She smiled and nodded. Meanwhile, the man was in tears, still mumbling nonsense. He went quiet as I pulled the trigger, and his wife's brains and blood painted the room in red.

The girl closed her eyes as the blood splashed her, then looked back at me, smiling. "Now you can't hurt her anymore."

I was puzzled by her attitude. Few could play that game. Then it occurred to me. Her test. Surely Andrei wouldn't have anything against her working for him?

I untied her. "You wanna get out of this alive?"

She smiled back. "I won't do your job, mister. No matter how you ask."

Holy shit! Did she read minds too?

In that instant, the door opened. It was Andrei, beaming as usual.

He laughed at her. "Oh - you will. Let me assure you that you will."

She seemed to consider his words, now a bit less courageous - less reckless. But she still had that something inside her. "I won't. I've heard what you do...."

"Heard?" Andrei interrupted her, his voice a humming whisper. "And you think you can even begin to imagine how it feels?"

"I'm not afraid." She replied calmly - but she couldn't get herself to smile anymore.

"Sandy. Open the case and show her what we do. Our man will prove an excellent test subject, I'm sure of it."

I did. Soon, his screams resonated in the air, as I unleashed a bloody hell. Meanwhile, Andrei was behind the girl, his hands petting her shoulders. She had her eyes tightly shut, but could not possibly drown her father's screams. I tried to ignore them as I kept torturing the man.

Eventually, Andrei stopped me. "That will be enough, Sandy."

I looked at them and saw it. The girl had snapped. She was now sobbing.

Andrei was grinning at her, his voice an eerie murmur. "You'll do as I say, won't you?"

"Yes, yes, but please, please, make it stop... "

"You think it's that easy, girl? No, no - I see you don't get it. Guess you need something else." Then he took a knife, immobilized her in a bear hug, and crudely hacked an x into her cheek. The girl's screams pierced the air. He kept eerily murmuring into her ear. "Now, will you do whatever I ask for? Or do I have to insist?"

"No, please, please, okay, I'll do it...." she sobbed.

Andrei laid the knife in front of her. "Kill him."

She glanced at me, and I saw her eyes, the reflection of her soul, now broken, shattered into a million pieces, the glistening flame from before now long gone. She closed them as she realized there was no other way. She hesitatingly took the knife, and walked slowly to her father. I softly guided her hand to his throat, then released it a split second before she slit his whole neck open. Blood spurted everywhere. As she felt it, she fell to the ground, crying.

Andrei ignored her. "Take the knife, Sandy"

"But...." I questioned as I took it. Shit. No. Not her, not after this.

"No buts. Kill her."

I looked at him, pleading without words. Again I saw the Void in his eyes, his devilish grin as a cruel reminder that there was nothing else to do. My soul shattered once more as I made up my mind and looked back at her.

She was silent now. Broken, like a porcelain doll brutally thrown into the floor. I knelt before her, then brushed the knife's tip against her cheek, tenderly retracing the wound. She opened her eyes, and I could see raw terror in them. I couldn't help to smile as I slashed her throat, her gushing blood soaking me again. This was my life now.

Andrei gave me a pat on the shoulder. I could feel his sick grin behind me. "I knew what you were from the beginning. I could smell the blood. You were born to spill blood, boy."

I smiled back. "I'm not a boy anymore."

Bloodlust (6) - Shattered

And so he left me alone with my thoughts. The girls. I felt sick at the thought. Even more so, knowing that I was the reason of it. That they wouldn't have to go through hell if I hadn't been here. And that I... could stop it, yet I wouldn't.

I got back into the dim room, bringing in a TV set from the main cell. I managed to show the girls room on the screen after a couple tries. There they were - helpless. Blindfolded, hands tied in their backs a tad too tight, rope a bit too thin so it would dig into the skin, their wrists sore from trying to get free.

My heart broke as I realized there was no going back. This was my decision, and I was going to live with the consequences... for better or for worse. I couldn't stop a smile from forming on my lips - on the pieces of my oh-so-very-broken soul. I felt it again. The very thing that brought me here. The bliss of sheer power.

The target froze in horror as he finally saw the TV - his family. As I turned to confront him, I saw it. On the floor, by the table, was a black briefcase. Andrei's - I just knew.

My earpiece beeped as I sighed, trying not to lose my mind again. It was him. "Guess you saw the case. Code is 379. Feel free to open it."

Shit. I knew what I would find inside. Either he was really sure of me, or he was trying hard to get me to fail. I wasn't sure of which option was worse.

I put the briefcase on the table, and dialed the code - it worked. I whistled at its contents. They made me think Andrei was trying to get me to fail. I sworn to myself that I wouldn't - and took the gun.

Mr. Target almost fainted at its sight, and started talking complete nonsense again.

I winked at him. "Too late to go back, don't you think?" I smiled, mainly to myself.

He didn't - couldn't possibly answer. I saw his eyes focus somewhere else, somewhere far away.

I went up to him, and gently grazed his temple with the barrel of the gun. He immediately came back from nowhere, almost jumping in place. He started mumbling again.

"Shut up." I said softly. "Will you at least listen?"

"Y-Yes" he stuttered.

I sat on the second chair, putting on the at-work mask without thinking twice about it. "Look, I'll be honest. I hate doing this. You don't deserve this, you know. But, work is work, and I'm sure you understand, I can't exactly say no to Andrei."

He flinched at the name, but then stared at me in confusion. Good. I could do this - I had done the same a thousand times.

I pointed the gun at him. "But, you heard him. You know too much. I've got to make sure you stay silent."

"Look. I... You don't have to do this." He pleaded, somewhat calmer. "I... I have a friend. Let me make a call, I know I have the right to make one. He'll get us both out of this."

It took me a lot and a half of self-control to not burst into laughter. I still couldn't hide a smirk. "Okay, so, let me tell you a little story, will you?"

I proceeded to tell him my own story, every tragic incident that brought me here. He kept interrupting me again and again, telling me that I was as much a victim as he was, and that I didn't have to do this - that his friend could help us.

"Will you let me finish?"

"Oh - okay. Sorry."

"So, back to today. I've told you how I have no way out, didn't I?"

"Yes, but, listen..."

"I'm not finished yet." I smiled. "Well, it's a lie. Boss just told me I can quit when I want, you see".

The man froze, his eyes locked into mine. I kept talking.

"He knows I won't. You see, I don't want a way out. I want to get so deep in, that I can't possibly get out anymore."

Bloodlust (5) - Family

"Look, my friend." Andrei continued, ignoring his reaction. "Half of your leads point directly to me. Nearly all the juicy ones, in fact. I know you don't have shit to publish, and that no one wants to listen to your little conspiracy theories - even when we both know they're all true. But, see, I don't like taking risks. You've already learned too much. I have to make sure you stop your stupid games, and move on. Write about the weather, for all I care. Just, stop poking your goddamned nose around my businesses."

I was confused. Was he lying? ... At this point, I could reliably tell when someone was lying -  years of experience with some of the best human lie detectors had surely helped. But, he didn't seem to lie. So, could he be telling the truth? Had he something to do with the Families? But... his words implied a lot more than simply having something to do...

"I-I will stop, Mr. Zima..."

Andrei harshly interrupted him. "You can call me Andrei, my friend."

The man started sobbing when he heard the name. "P-Please, I... I swear, I'll disappear, you'll never hear from me again.... Please..."

Andrei stood up and silently told me to follow him. He locked the door once we were in the outside room. Then he pointed his chin at one of the chairs in there, so I sat, uneasy. I had too many questions, and I was starting to think I would not get answers.

He seemed more friendly than before, his mask now gone. Still, there wasn't a huge difference. "What's it, boy?"

"I... Is it true? The... the families thing?" I asked at once.

"Well... to put it bluntly, yes. But, I have an explanation." He added before I could say anything back. "You see, this is an uncivilized land. Those people used to rule it, bending the laws at their will. I soon knew that there was only one way to fight the Mob - by becoming one of them. So, as the head of Detentions, I reunited my own family. You've ever wondered how I have... so many... resources?"

Same old story. You can't fight monsters without becoming one. But this was taking it a bit too far, wasn't it?

"So... you're like... the boss of it?" I asked again.

Silence. He proceeded to unbutton his shirt, revealing his tattoos. I gasped at the sight - I didn't knew exactly what they meant, but I could make a good guess.... Power. Lots of it.

"Do you really mind?" He asked, his ruthless mask back on.

I had trouble finding the words. I had the impression that choosing the wrong ones could end badly. But I had to be sincere - he could surely see through lies too. "I... I mean, I'm used to Agencies stuff, but... this is... this is something else, you know."

"That's not what I asked, Sandy."

I sighed. "I'm... not sure I want to be a part of this anymore. Sure, the Agencies have never been the good guys, but... this is awfully close to... you know."

"Well, you know, tags aside, it's all pretty much the same. Doing what's necessary. Even if you never get to be on the good side. Plus, yesterday I thought you had made up your mind about it. Does a mere tag make such a difference to you?"

I had heard this countless times. Except this was different. Not only the side of the law - no matter how many times he told me all of it was legal, but... I would have sworn he didn't really believe a word he said. It was all mere excuses. But... wasn't the same back home? Did any of them actually care about doing the right thing, no matter how wrong it was? I sighed loudly. None of them cared. They just liked the job.

I looked back at him, and for a split second, I saw behind his mask. He was telling the truth. He truly wanted a better world. Shit. I swallowed hard at the decision I was going to make. "No. I don't care. I'll do it."

His eyes glistened in delight. "That's my boy. Now, I believe you have work to do?"

I paused for a second. Even after having made up my mind, this wasn't easy. "I... do."

"Good. Now, Sandy, your card can open all the locks in here. The girls are in the next room to the left as you exit. You know what I want. I'll be doing some work elsewhere. Oh - here, have this so we can talk." He handed me an earpiece. "Call me if you need anything, okay?"

"Okay."

"Oh, Sandy. One more thing. Remember our deal?"

"Yeah?"

"Forget about it. You want out, just say it. No price for it. No consequences, at all."

NOW I froze. "What... what do you mean."

"I just want to be sure you're here 'cause you want, there's no point in forcing you to do this, Sandy."

I stared at him. "Why... why are you doing this?"

"I told you I'd make you go through hell, didn't I? ... Well, now you get to choose what you really want. Nothing to lose. No excuses. Only decisions." He grinned, a ruthless reminder that... he knew all too well what I was gonna choose. "Now, if you excuse me, I have to go."

"You sick bastard" I muttered behind my teeth.

He turned around and winked at me, his eyes gleaming with delight, then went on his way.

Bloodlust (4) - Questions

Next morning, I was back at his office. He handed me the file once more. "Read it again - you'll want to have as much info on him as possible. Also," he looked into my eyes, and I knew what came next, "I'm guessing you remember all we said yesterday?"

"Yeah."

"You have a lot to win, but also a lot to lose. Don't lose on me, okay?" He smiled.

I managed to smile back. "I'll try my best"

"Bonus points if you don't hurt him, boy. Now, I have something urgent to do. Tell the guard to call me once you get down. Oh, the target is in the special room. Ask the guard, he'll lead you there."

And so he left me alone, in his office, with the file on the target as my only company. I read it thoroughly. The man was as boring as your average rock. There was no info on the girls, other than a rough sketch of their lives. I stared at their pictures for ages, Andrei's words ever present in my head: "You're to use the girls to get to him." I sighed. And again, I couldn't help to think that the man was the devil himself.

Once in the cells corridor entrance, the guard greeted me. I told him our guest was in the special room, and also to call Andrei. He made the call, and then lead me through the corridor, 'till the very end. Then opened a door - seemingly a normal cell - but this one had another door on the side.

"Boss told me your card can unlock it. There are two cams inside. There's no observation room in this one - it's all through the cams. He also said he'll come soon enough, so you don't have to wait for him".

I took a deep breath, and opened the door.

The room was bare, empty except for a steel table and two chairs facing it. The target sat on one of them, his back to the door. The single hanging lightbulb didn't do much against the prevailing darkness - it didn't help that the whole room was all painted in a deep gray.

The man started mumbling as soon as he heard me enter. "Oh-oh, god, what's this, I-I ... haven't done anything, have I? I mean - I mean, I've been... asking questions about the Fa-Families, but surely - surely this has nothing to do with... with them, does it?"

Wait, what?! The families? Did he mean the mob? ... We were... definitely NOT those guys? Were we?

I was thinking what to do next - I really needed to talk to Andrei. This didn't make any sense. Except... My mind had a flashback. Yesterday morning. Shower time. I never saw him even half-naked, did I?

I had decided to get out of the room and wait for him, when the door opened. Andrei leaned on the frame, a harsh smile in his eyes, he brought a finger to his lips - telling me to stay silent.

The target kept mumbling, more and more nonsensically by the second. Andrei ignored him, and stared at me, still his goddamned smile as a terrifying mask. Questioning me without words. Was I going to do it anyway? Even if he was ... somehow related to the Families? Did I have a choice?

No, I didn't. I could read the answer in his eyes. Shit. This was not what I had signed up for.

Andrei seemed to read my thoughts, and pointed at the target with his chin. Words weren't needed. I Knew.

I turned back to the target. He was still mumbling, completely nonsensically by now. I approached him from the back, and gently pat him in the shoulder. "Good morning, Mister."

He fell silent.

I managed to put on the at-work mask. "Boss told me you've been poking your nose around too much lately, asking the wrong questions to the wrong people, that sort of stuff. He'd like you to stop."

The man was shaking, his breath shallow and fast. "I-I've only ever asked about the... the Families. I s-swear, I don't know wha-what you're talking about."

I looked at Andrei, not sure what to say next.

He came to the rescue, silently telling me to stand aside. He leaned over the man's back, his hands on the hand rests of the chair, his cheek an inch from the man's ear. 

The man started hyperventilating.

Andrei got even closer to him, 'till he was barely touching him, and whispered into his ear. "You know who am I?"

The man's reaction said it all. He Knew.

Bloodlust (3) - Trainwreck

The first job was exactly the reason I hadn't lasted long in this same position, back in the States. The target was the manager of a night club - one of those in the hands of the mob. He had been arrested due to one of the girls in there getting murdered, and my goal was to get some light on what had happened (he surely had to know) and also to find who he worked for. And unofficially, to avoid getting to a public trial, in Andrei's words.

Couple hours later, I had to take another shower, this time to wash real blood. Andrei was waiting for me when I stepped out of the shower room.

"Good job, Sandy."

I stared at him, uneasy. Then lowered my eyes. "This... this was not what I had in mind, Boss. This is the stuff I had back in there - and I didn't last two weeks."

He smiled gently. "So, what do you want?"

"I... I guess I want... something more. Something else. I want to feel again. I guess I want her back, you know."

Now he was grinning. "Well, I'm not her, Sandy. But... I was hoping you'd say that."

I stared at him, wondering if he could be what I needed.

"Now, boy, I need you to realize - you're asking for a test. Aren't you?"

My heart skipped a beat, half terrified, half filled with anticipation. I saw his grin, his eyes glistening with cruelty.

My voice trembled. "I - I guess... yeah, I guess that's what I'm asking."

"Okay. But - I must warn you," his eyes said it all, "this will not be easy. You think Kali is ruthless? ... Then wait until you see me."

I took a deep breath and nodded. 

He was beaming as he hinted me to follow him with his head. I did. Soon, we were in his office, the door locked so no one could interrupt.

"Now, Sandy. A test is not a test if you have nothing to lose, don't you think?"

"I... guess."

"So... what will it be? What are you willing to risk?"

I tried to think, but couldn't find anything other than Key. And that was not an option. I stood in silence.

He kept grinning like a madman. "Nothing? Well, I have an idea. If you can't do the job, you'll have a nice vacation. Far from all this. So you can relax, you know. Then, once you've forgotten how it feels, once you're back to vegetating your life away, I'll pay you a visit. And I'll make you come back."

It hit me as a train. "Shit." I muttered. "No. No, I... You can't..."

"Or, you can go now. I won't get back to you, I'll let you live as a law-abiding citizen, if that's what you want to do. I'll make sure Kali doesn't go after you, either. You'll be free to start a new life. You know, there IS a way out. This is yours."  

Shit indeed. I felt light-headed, my breath shallow and fast, my heart thumping against my chest so hard I could hear it. A rock and a hard place, I thought. No way out - I couldn't go back after that morning. But the only way forward meant I couldn't possibly afford to lose. And I still had no clue on what the test would be - I could only imagine.

I stared at his devilish grin for a good second before closing my eyes. "I won't go back now." I whispered.

He went to search the cabinets for a folder - the file on my next job. Then he sat in front of me, and neatly put the file before him.

"Sandy, before I show you this, you must know one thing. Once you see it, there's no going back. At all."

I had to take a deep breath, not really managing to steady myself. "Okay."

"Also, things would be quite different if you were not in this - I'll tell you the details later. Oh, and last thing - fair warning. YOU are my target, Sandy. My goal is to have you working here. And correct me if I'm wrong, but that means I have to make your life Hell."

I took a deep breath, trying to calm down, to remind myself I was there 'cause I wanted to. "I... know." My voice trembled.

"You can go back now. I can still offer you a standard job. 9 to 5, we have plenty of files to work on. You've seen what was it about this morning. I can also offer you your way out, if that's what you want. Or," he teased, gently placing the folder before me, "you can open it. And find what you came here for."

I stared at the folder for a while, thinking of it all. Failing wasn't an option. Neither was going back - not even to start a new life, much less to a job I hated. I opened the file.

The target seemed like the most average person ever. He was a law-abiding citizen, never got into any trouble. The reason he was there: he was a nosy journalist - who never found anything worth publishing, anyway, nor anyone willing to hear the bits and pieces he sometimes got.

I kept reading. The man had an average family. A pretty good-looking wife, about his age, and a teen daughter. They were pretty much average, too. After that page, there was some info about his schedules, where he worked, and whatnot. I raised my eyes and met Andrei's gaze. I saw the Void in his eyes. I couldn't help to think that he was the devil himself.

"You see," he started, his wicked smile betraying his words, "he's one nosy journalist, and I'd like him to stop poking his nose around, for a change."

That was one way to put it into words, I guess.

"To be blunt, I'd just send someone to take care of him the usual way. Blow up his head, forget about it all. Except, here you are."

I shuddered at the thought of it. Hell, indeed.

"You know what happens next, don't you?"


I nodded as I stumbled to find words. He went on to explain himself, almost shoving subtlety aside.

"Long story short, you'll be using the girls to get to him. I want you to destroy him, to shred his very soul to bits." He grinned devilishly. "This is a test, so bonus points if you don't touch him."

I stared at him in horror, heart pounding in my chest so fast it hurt, ragged breathing that couldn't bring in enough oxygen. I realized there was no going back - at all.

"Oh. One more thing. If you do pass the test, I'll make it worth your time. I see you would like to have a reminder of why you're here. I can give you that if you want. I'll also sign you a contract, and I'm more than willing to negotiate the fine print. Just so you know. But now, I believe you've got a job to do."  

It took a while for me to process the fact that I had to move. It took a longer while to get myself up. I reached for the door, then recalled it was locked. As I was turning around to ask Andrei to unlock it, he handed me an ID key-card. It was from the department, and it meant I was part of it. Above the common laws, if you will.

"Use this. Make yourself at home, Sandy."

"I... I can't accept this, Boss. I can work just fine..."

"Take it, Sandy." He interrupted me with a creepy smile. "You work here now, after all."

"Shit." I murmured as I hesitatingly took it.

"Now, I'll send my guys to get him. Take the evening off. Get some rest, you'll want to be fresh tomorrow." He winked at me.

Bloodlust (2) - Blood

Next morning came, and Andrei, the Boss, came with it. Let me get this out of the way - the man is as nuts as they come. I guess that's why I'm here.

"Sandy, Key called me yesterday. Says you want to work for me."

As I looked at him, I realized what I had said - what I had done. "Yeah, we talked yesterday, and... seems like I said so."

"Guess you're still not too convinced, are you?" He smiled.

"Dunno. I've tried to stay clean, over and over again. I've tried to do the Right Thing. But..."

He interrupted me. "Nonsense. You think too much, Sandy. You know, when life gives you lemons...."

"Life's given me the chance to quit a few times, Boss. But every single one, Key comes back, and I fall into her madness again."

"Maybe the lemons are not the chance to become a plant, boy." He grinned. "Key told me you'd like this."

He offered me a sports bag. I hesitatingly took it - it was quite heavy. I opened it. Inside, there was a bucket of red paint. I raised my face and stared at him. Andrei just kept grinning, and handed me a knife to open the gift. I paused, and stared at the bucket for a few seconds before thinking "screw it all" and opening it.

You see, the thing has an uncanny resemblance to actual blood. I took a deep breath, heart pounding fast as I inched my hands towards it.

Andrei kept smiling. "Let it go, Sandy."

I closed my eyes as my hand reached the edge, then let the red liquid brush my fingertips. It was warm to the touch. It felt exactly like blood.

All the memories came back at once. All the past, long locked inside my mind, came gushing, as if I had just teared its flesh. My heart was racing, my breath ragged, both unable to keep my mind's pace. I wasn't there anymore, I was having the psychedelic trip of my life - inside my own head. As I slowly dipped my hand ever-so-deeper, I heard all the screams, saw all the torn flesh, and for the first time since forever, I felt alive again.

I didn't realize I had brought my hands to my mouth, dripping red stuff everywhere, 'till I noticed Andrei, beaming at the sight. He saw I had come back and nodded at me. My heart flipped as I lost my mind to raw madness. I dipped my hands again and again, smearing it everywhere, starting by myself.

An hour later, the room - and everything inside it, us included - looked like there had been a carnage inside. I felt euphoric as Andrei led me to the bathroom and I took in the view of us both in the mirror. I smeared my hand over it too - adding to the sight. I stared at my reflection for a good twenty minutes while Andrei took a shower.

"You have to shower too, Sandy." He stated, fully wrapped in a bathrobe. "You can't go out looking like that. People will think you've killed someone."

I smirked at the remark, and got in the shower. The cold water felt good too - cleaning all the imaginary sins so I could do the real deed.

A while later, we were on our way to my new job.

Bloodlust (1) - Drugs

"I knew what you were from the beginning. I could smell the blood. You were born to spill blood, boy."

Andrei smiled at me. I tightened the grip on the knife and leaned forward to face the girl. Looking into her eyes, I slit her throat - blood gushed from the wound as if a fountain of life - of death. I closed my eyes and felt it drench me - life and death, hand in hand once more. I opened my eyes again and saw what I had done - and couldn't help to smile.

But, let me start from the beginning, since this is one long story - the one that led me here.

Two days before, Key came to see me. She was beaming. "Sandy, Boss told me to invite you to the party. 

I sighed. "Which party."

"You see, he has this friend who's throwing a huge party, and he wants every one of us to come and have some fun."

I imagined what was it about. Same as always. Why can't my friends drink and do drugs and whatnot, like everyone else, I thought. Well, now that I think of it, you could say emotions are another kind of drug... Probably the most addicting one.

"Look, I'm clean and I intend to stay that way. You want me to work, put me in an office. I can give that one a go, you know."

She laughed at the idea. "Don't be like that, Sandy. You're not cut to be in an office. Come on, you know you'll have fun at the party."

I sighed, exasperated. "Key, this is the I-Lost-Count time you make me fall for it again, only to disappear from my life again two weeks later, leaving me alone with myself. And you know how much I hate it once I get to stop and think about what I've done."

"So, you want to keep going on like this? Withering away, not having a clue on what to do with your life?"

"Keeping myself from hurting people is not exactly not having a clue on what to do with my life. And I'd happily sit here rather than coming back just so you can leave me broken yet again."

She hugged me, happiness gone from her eyes. "Come on, Sandy. You know you miss it all. Don't lie to yourself."

Well, of course I missed it. I missed HER. But I wouldn't - I couldn't let that get to me. I was determined to stay clean. I knew it all too well, saying yes would only make it hurt more the next time she left me and I had to quit yet again. You see, in those moments, it was exactly like a drug. Awesome in the moment, but next day you woke up full of regret.

"We both know you won't keep me around for long."

She sighed, acknowledging the fact that she couldn't seem to make it last. "Sandy, don't say that. This is a new place - I'm sure we can find more than enough jobs to keep you from becoming a plant."

I looked into her eyes. I saw her hurricane in them - there was a reason those who knew her well called her that. She was indeed a hurricane, the wildest of storms - they both would flatten everything, and there was no way anyone could stop it from happening. I saw myself in her eyes - and the memories of the Good Old Days came up. Back when there were indeed enough jobs to keep me from thinking of what I was really doing.

Well, I always knew. It was just easier to ignore when the memories of the screams and gore were fresh. Easier to dismiss as "this is my life", instead of thinking "what the hell am I doing with my life."

She smiled at me, and I saw Her Smile. The perfect storm. It tore through my soul, reducing everything to dust. I hugged her back, eyes now in tears. "Key. I... I can't do this, I can't let you leave again, I can't be broken yet again... Please... Leave me be... or take me forever."

I had said it.

She hugged me tighter for a second. Then she loosened the grip, and looked at me. Her eyes pierced my soul. "Well, Boss may offer you something more stable, you know. I... I'd offer you something, but... I have to grant that to you - it never ends as I expect."

I hugged her again, torn between dread and excitement. "Key. There's no way out, is it?"

"No, Sandy, there isn't. There has never been."

Past

"We saved your life."

"How? By stealing my freedom? My mind? My identity?"

I was beyond angry. Back then I thought the price -for my life- had been too high, not realizing they were right. There was nothing left for me where I came from.

"Look," said Nikolai, in a dead serious tone "this is all we can offer. It's all we have, all we've ever had. It's clear you don't like it, but you have to be reasonable, Sandy. We can't possibly let you go."

"Well, I don't want to be part of any of this!" I screamed in rage, running for the door.

"Kid, you know it's locked." Radko pointed in a condescending voice. 

"Then open it!"

They both sighed while looking at each other. Nikolai got up from his seat and walked to me, wrapping his hands around my arms, as if to keep me from falling to the ground. "Just listen, Sandy. Life is not about what you want. It would be pretty different if it was, you know. But we gotta do what we gotta do - "

"No! I won't have anymore of that nonsense!" I interrupted him as I freed myself from his bearly hug, and started rattling the doorknob again.

He put his hand on mine. "You won't open it without the key, you know".

"Then give me the damned key!"

He pointed at the other man with his head. "Ask Radko, I don't have it."

I froze in place. Radko wouldn't give in. It's funny, I now realize how good they were at playing cops with me. Nikolai the warm-hearted one, harsh at times, but overall tried to be nice. Radko usually didn't even try. I looked at him, almost begging for the key with my eyes.

He smiled softly. "We saved your life, Sandy. The price for that, is your very self. There's no way around that. I wish things could be different, but it's not my job to decide. You heard the boss. Either you work with us, or he'll send you back to the hell you came from."

My heart dropped. I knew it was true - I thought that, anyway. Now I know they were all on the same boat, of course.

"There has to be other work I can do around here - I - I can do paperwork. Or whatever." I suggested, knowing that it wouldn't work.

He looked amused. "You know we don't have any need for a secretary, Sandy." 

"Don't be harsh on the kid, Rad. He's already having a hard time, no need to make it worse".

Radko looked at him. If a stare could kill, Nikolai would have died in that moment. "You too know what the boss said, Nik. You know it all too well. Don't test me - you know I'll do what I have to, even if it means reporting you."

Nikolai fell silent. Now I clearly see it was all scripted between them, just a lie to get to me. But back then... it all seemed too real. A nightmare you couldn't possibly escape from.

Radko got up too and walked to us. "Now, Sandy, we have work to do. For the last time. You will come with us, and I couldn't care less about your opinions on the matter. Now, let's go."

He put his hand on my shoulder while handing the key to Nikolai, who opened the door. There was no exit at all - the bare corridors from our room to Detentions offered nowhere to run and hide. Radko guided me harshly the whole time, his hand in my shoulder as an almost painful reminder that he was there, ready to make me help them no matter how. Soon, we reached Detentions area.

I had been there for a short time. It took them a whole two days 'till they showed me what my new life was about. This was about my third job, I think. First one had me locked in the bathroom, crying incessantly for hours. And the guy was a textbook traitor. And I was behind the glass all the time, with Nikolai keeping me company - and from fainting, too.

Yet, this one was the job that would break me, never to heal again. They were too damn good at their jobs, and I can now clearly see that their real target was no other than myself.

We entered the cell, a single dim bulb hanging from the ceiling. Tied to a chair, blindfolded and all, was a kid, barely my age. Radko smiled at me, handing me a knife. "He's like you, you know. Doesn't want to help. The boss sent him here. You're to convince him - or take his place".

My very soul broke as I firmly grabbed the knife. There was nothing else to do.

Survivors

"They say to never trust a survivor 'till you find out what he did to stay alive

"And guess what?" continued Andrei, "we're all survivors here, aren't we?... Aren't you?"

The prisoner sighed, and kept looking into the unfathomable depths of the concrete floor. He had stopped trying to wiggle himself free long before Andrei appeared. It was of no use.

"Want to know why you're here?"

Still no answer. Not even a hint of movement that could betray his emotions.

"Okay. Oh-kay," kept talking Andrei, "let's try something different, then. Want to know what I had to do?"

If he did, he showed no signs of it. Andrei smiled, ignoring the fact that the man in front of him may as well have been a rock. He kept his cold monologue going.

"I've been in this for quite a few years. I've seen - no, I've done things you can't even imagine"

The prisoner raised his face, and looked him in the eyes - they were cold as the frozen sea. The man's expression was still a petrified mask, but something had shifted inside him.

Andrei responded with an unnerving grin. "I can show you, you know. Or you could drop that goddamned mask that fools no one, and at least show me that you're not mute."

"Fuck you" the prisoner whispered, loud enough for Andrei to barely understand the words.

"Oh, so you can indeed talk. Well, it's something." He continued as he paced the room 'till he was behind the man.

"You know why you're here, don't you?" Andrei whispered into his ear, resting his hands in the man's shoulders, softly caressing him.

The man sighed again. "You wish you could scare ME."

Andrei nearly broke into laughter - so much so that he had to take a step back.

"So, I take you don't even know where you are?" He observed, while trying to get a semi-serious face back. "Okay. Let me tell you, then. This is KGB's central office. Yeah, official name's changed long time ago. Never mind that. We're still the same people doing the exact same stuff. And I - I am the head of Detentions."

Now the prisoner attitude had certainly changed. It was subtle, but obvious enough to Andrei's trained eye. As for the place, nobody used to call it that anymore - nobody except him. He liked that name. It never failed to make people rethink their situation.

"So, that rang some bells, didn't it?" he grinned.

"Fuck you!"

"You sure know how to be polite, don't you?" replied Andrei, amused. "Or are you trying to insult me?" he raised his voice while laying down his hands on the man's shoulders again, a terrifying hint for anyone who knew him.

The prisoner closed his eyes and swallowed, leaning forward, as if trying to escape from the madman's embrace - the realization that there was only one way out.

He still tried to put up a fight. "What the hell do you want?"

"Oh, so now you want to talk" Andrei hinted. As if a street magician, he pulled a knife out of nowhere, and gently rested its edge against the man's throat.

The man sighed again, this time in desperation.

"Look, I - I'll tell you what you want, okay? Just, ... just don't - don't do that" his voice faltered.

Andrei slowly let the knife dig into the man's skin. "Don't do what?"

The man started sobbing, seemingly knowing where this was going. "Please! I'll tell you everything"

"Well, then you better start before it's too late, don't you think?" Andrei giggled.

"Oh-okay. What do you want to know?" The man calmed himself slightly, as Andrei relaxed his hand somewhat, now just letting the knife's gleaming edge rest against his throat in a terrifyingly soft kiss.

"What actually happened. We have a few contradicting reports, some even say you're dead. I call that nonsense. For now, you know."

The prisoner's heart skipped a beat. Andrei kept talking.

"As far as we know, you're the only survivor. I want to know how you managed that."

The man spent the next half hour recounting his story - all that had lead him to this hell. Andrei just let him talk, not moving an inch other than to massage the man's shoulder, a heartless reminder that he was still there, listening. Observing.

As he finished, Andrei gently smiled into his ear, slowly raising his voice. "You want me to believe all that bullshit? You think you can lie to ME?"

He suddenly moved his hand from the prisoner's shoulder to his chin - effectively immobilizing him. Then started fidgeting with the knife against the man's throat. "You really think you can lie to me?" he whispered this time.

The prisoner started trembling, as the tears came to his eyes. He started muttering, barely making sense. "Please - I told you the truth - please, please...."

Andrei ignored it. "Answer is, no, you can't. Listen. Shut up and listen. I'll give you one more chance. Tell me what happened, or you're dead. Here and now, you hear me?"

The man froze, unable to stop the tears from rolling down his cheeks. "P-please...."

"I'm waiting."

The man's voice broke. "I told you the truth.... please.... oh - oh god, please...."

"So you won't listen, huh?" smiled Andrei.

"Well, then, let me show you what I did to survive" said he, a split second before he drove the knife deep into the man's throat. 

Monsters

"How do you destroy a monster without becoming one?"

The boy asked. Andrei would have certainly spilled his drink while chuckling, had he had one. I too struggled to contain the laughter.

"Kid, you just don't." I replied, still a smirk on my face.

He nearly froze in place. I think it was his first day in there. We were in some sort of counter-terrorist stuff, except we were not Operations - we were Detentions. Which was an euphemism for Interrogations, which still didn't really describe what happened there. The boy was there to begin his formal training, and eventually become one of us. He had no clue on anything. Guess he, as almost anyone else, fancied us the good guys. I kept speaking.

"Lemme guess, kid. You think we're the good guys, don't you?"

He stared at me, quite confused. Yeah, he thought that. They all do.

"You wanna know what we do in here, kid?" casually asked Andrei.

NOW he looked scared. Well, that's one understatement if I've ever seen one. I guess Andrei IS scary to normal people. Especially when he tries. The madman's grin on his face said it all.

"Wha-what do you... do you mean..." the boy stuttered. He'd got the hint.

You see, Andrei can be direct as hell. And he surely thinks, there's only one way of knowing what Actual Terror really means - and that's feeling it yourself. He's right, of course. I've come to think he always is.

I smiled, knowing all too well what came next. It was going to be a nice, sunny Sunday, after all.

Smiles

"That's so cute. You think you're scary. But see, I've seen scary - and you ain't got his smile."

The young man smiled. He was in a rough spot indeed. Tied to a chair, no real way out, and there was this man, big as a mountain, holding a gun. A Loaded gun, Sandy corrected himself.

"You think I don't have the guts, don't you, kid?" said Mr. Mountain.

"Oh, it's not that, Mr. Not-Scary. You see, yeah, you can kill me. You probably will, if you stop thinking whether to do it or whatever. But see, I'm not afraid of that. I've seen enough not to be afraid of just dying."

"What the hell do you even mean."

"I've looked Death in the eyes a thousand times. She's an old friend at this point, you see. I guess I'm more scared of what I'm used to see, ahem, before she comes."

"I've had enough of this, kid." The old man raised his voice, "I'm just gonna..."

"Okay, go ahead. It's not like you've never seen anyone calm before, is it?"

The old man seemed confused. How could he knew? Indeed he hadn't. Normal people were terrified of just the sight of a gun, but this guy... he was as calm as a rock. And his smile. Thinking of the situation sent a chill down his spine.

"You want to know more, don't you?" casually smirked Sandy. THAT smile, again.

The man looked around. The room was gray. Not only in color, even the mood of it was Gray. Dark Gray. Empty except for a wooden chair, to which the young man was tied, no way to free himself. The man started pacing. Sandy stood in silence, waiting for the right moment to resume his overly practiced discourse. It was never really the same, and at the same time, it was always exactly the same. Sandy smiled at the thought.

"Okay," requested the old man "who the hell are you."

Sandy grinned. Again.

"And here I thought I was here for a reason. You know. For all I've done. Or at least for some of it. Normally you guys know a bit more about me."

He was polite beyond reason, considering the situation. Mr. Mountain thought he must be a madman. Sandy seemed to read his very thoughts.

"You think I'm just mad, don't you?" he smiled, this time a bit less creepily. "But, aren't all we? I mean, you're a -I think- a serial killer who just kidnaps random people and puts a bullet to their heads. You know what I think? YOU'RE a madman. I mean, what's even the point? You think they get to fear you, don't you? Well, lemme tell you, you don't know shit about fear, then. "

"Who the hell are you!!" yelled the old man, grabbing Sandy by the neck of his shirt.

Sandy just smiled and whispered in his ear:

"Guess I am what you'd like to be. But I can't really talk while suffocating, you know"

Mr. Mountain sent him flying across the room, chair and all. Sandy clenched his teeth to avoid screaming - he had seen much worse, but it didn't make it hurt any less. The man towered over him, ready to throw him flying again, but froze in place when he didn't see fear in the young's face - only that unnerving smile - and his hands. His Free hands. The rope had loosened enough in the crash for Sandy to free himself. Now that the old man had seen it, he was getting up. The man rushed for the gun, now positively scared of this young guy.

"My friend, that WAS a mistake, don't you think?" beamed Sandy, not really managing to hide the laughter on purpose.

"SHUT UP!" screamed the man, pointing his gun at Sandy.

"Oh my, but you're shaking! Why? You do have a loaded gun, and here I am, defenseless as a rock!"

"I SAID SHUT THE FUCK UP!!"

The man was losing it. Sandy knew. He had to be careful, a wrong word and... well, avoiding a flying bullet wasn't exactly easy.

"Calm down, my friend, you'll get us both hurt. You see, I can give you the very thing you've ever wanted - I can show you what fear actually is" stated Sandy as the man slowly lowered his gun, too intrigued not to listen. "But see - it all comes at a price" he smiled.

The gun dropped with a muted clank. Mr. Mountain looked in Sandy's glistening eyes. Then saw his grin, and understood, not only what a stupid mistake he had made, taking this guy after just a couple rounds at the bar, but also the price of it.