"We saved your life."
"How? By stealing my freedom? My mind? My identity?"
I was beyond angry. Back then I thought the price -for my life- had been too high, not realizing they were right. There was nothing left for me where I came from.
"Look," said Nikolai, in a dead serious tone "this is all we can offer. It's all we have, all we've ever had. It's clear you don't like it, but you have to be reasonable, Sandy. We can't possibly let you go."
"Well, I don't want to be part of any of this!" I screamed in rage, running for the door.
"Kid, you know it's locked." Radko pointed in a condescending voice.
"Then open it!"
They both sighed while looking at each other. Nikolai got up from his seat and walked to me, wrapping his hands around my arms, as if to keep me from falling to the ground. "Just listen, Sandy. Life is not about what you want. It would be pretty different if it was, you know. But we gotta do what we gotta do - "
"No! I won't have anymore of that nonsense!" I interrupted him as I freed myself from his bearly hug, and started rattling the doorknob again.
He put his hand on mine. "You won't open it without the key, you know".
"Then give me the damned key!"
He pointed at the other man with his head. "Ask Radko, I don't have it."
I froze in place. Radko wouldn't give in. It's funny, I now realize how good they were at playing cops with me. Nikolai the warm-hearted one, harsh at times, but overall tried to be nice. Radko usually didn't even try. I looked at him, almost begging for the key with my eyes.
He smiled softly. "We saved your life, Sandy. The price for that, is your very self. There's no way around that. I wish things could be different, but it's not my job to decide. You heard the boss. Either you work with us, or he'll send you back to the hell you came from."
My heart dropped. I knew it was true - I thought that, anyway. Now I know they were all on the same boat, of course.
"There has to be other work I can do around here - I - I can do paperwork. Or whatever." I suggested, knowing that it wouldn't work.
He looked amused. "You know we don't have any need for a secretary, Sandy."
"Don't be harsh on the kid, Rad. He's already having a hard time, no need to make it worse".
Radko looked at him. If a stare could kill, Nikolai would have died in that moment. "You too know what the boss said, Nik. You know it all too well. Don't test me - you know I'll do what I have to, even if it means reporting you."
Nikolai fell silent. Now I clearly see it was all scripted between them, just a lie to get to me. But back then... it all seemed too real. A nightmare you couldn't possibly escape from.
Radko got up too and walked to us. "Now, Sandy, we have work to do. For the last time. You will come with us, and I couldn't care less about your opinions on the matter. Now, let's go."
He put his hand on my shoulder while handing the key to Nikolai, who opened the door. There was no exit at all - the bare corridors from our room to Detentions offered nowhere to run and hide. Radko guided me harshly the whole time, his hand in my shoulder as an almost painful reminder that he was there, ready to make me help them no matter how. Soon, we reached Detentions area.
I had been there for a short time. It took them a whole two days 'till they showed me what my new life was about. This was about my third job, I think. First one had me locked in the bathroom, crying incessantly for hours. And the guy was a textbook traitor. And I was behind the glass all the time, with Nikolai keeping me company - and from fainting, too.
Yet, this one was the job that would break me, never to heal again. They were too damn good at their jobs, and I can now clearly see that their real target was no other than myself.
We entered the cell, a single dim bulb hanging from the ceiling. Tied to a chair, blindfolded and all, was a kid, barely my age. Radko smiled at me, handing me a knife. "He's like you, you know. Doesn't want to help. The boss sent him here. You're to convince him - or take his place".
My very soul broke as I firmly grabbed the knife. There was nothing else to do.
