"I knew what you were from the beginning. I could smell the blood. You were born to spill blood, boy."Andrei smiled at me. I tightened the grip on the knife and leaned forward to face the girl. Looking into her eyes, I slit her throat - blood gushed from the wound as if a fountain of life - of death. I closed my eyes and felt it drench me - life and death, hand in hand once more. I opened my eyes again and saw what I had done - and couldn't help to smile.
But, let me start from the beginning, since this is one long story - the one that led me here.
Two days before, Key came to see me. She was beaming. "Sandy, Boss told me to invite you to the party.
I sighed. "Which party."
"You see, he has this friend who's throwing a huge party, and he wants every one of us to come and have some fun."
I imagined what was it about. Same as always. Why can't my friends drink and do drugs and whatnot, like everyone else, I thought. Well, now that I think of it, you could say emotions are another kind of drug... Probably the most addicting one.
"Look, I'm clean and I intend to stay that way. You want me to work, put me in an office. I can give that one a go, you know."
She laughed at the idea. "Don't be like that, Sandy. You're not cut to be in an office. Come on, you know you'll have fun at the party."
I sighed, exasperated. "Key, this is the I-Lost-Count time you make me fall for it again, only to disappear from my life again two weeks later, leaving me alone with myself. And you know how much I hate it once I get to stop and think about what I've done."
"So, you want to keep going on like this? Withering away, not having a clue on what to do with your life?"
"Keeping myself from hurting people is not exactly not having a clue on what to do with my life. And I'd happily sit here rather than coming back just so you can leave me broken yet again."
She hugged me, happiness gone from her eyes. "Come on, Sandy. You know you miss it all. Don't lie to yourself."
Well, of course I missed it. I missed HER. But I wouldn't - I couldn't let that get to me. I was determined to stay clean. I knew it all too well, saying yes would only make it hurt more the next time she left me and I had to quit yet again. You see, in those moments, it was exactly like a drug. Awesome in the moment, but next day you woke up full of regret.
"We both know you won't keep me around for long."
She sighed, acknowledging the fact that she couldn't seem to make it last. "Sandy, don't say that. This is a new place - I'm sure we can find more than enough jobs to keep you from becoming a plant."
I looked into her eyes. I saw her hurricane in them - there was a reason those who knew her well called her that. She was indeed a hurricane, the wildest of storms - they both would flatten everything, and there was no way anyone could stop it from happening. I saw myself in her eyes - and the memories of the Good Old Days came up. Back when there were indeed enough jobs to keep me from thinking of what I was really doing.
Well, I always knew. It was just easier to ignore when the memories of the screams and gore were fresh. Easier to dismiss as "this is my life", instead of thinking "what the hell am I doing with my life."
She smiled at me, and I saw Her Smile. The perfect storm. It tore through my soul, reducing everything to dust. I hugged her back, eyes now in tears. "Key. I... I can't do this, I can't let you leave again, I can't be broken yet again... Please... Leave me be... or take me forever."
I had said it.
She hugged me tighter for a second. Then she loosened the grip, and looked at me. Her eyes pierced my soul. "Well, Boss may offer you something more stable, you know. I... I'd offer you something, but... I have to grant that to you - it never ends as I expect."
I hugged her again, torn between dread and excitement. "Key. There's no way out, is it?"
"No, Sandy, there isn't. There has never been."
