Andrei sighed loudly. "Why do you care so much about everyone? If he's greedy enough to accept it –"
I cut him off. "Well, it's not like you actually gave him a choice, you know."
He had that smirk of his in his eyes. "I thought it was you the one who said there's always a choice?"
Yeah. The choice of 'I'll die before I do this'. And thinking of it, that's what got Key killed. I sighed hard at the thought. No. That had been my decision. That part of the past was over, dead and buried – this time for sure. Andrei realized what he'd said.
"Oh, shit. I didn't mean–"
Again I stopped him. "It's not that. It's... I'm gonna need a better reason for this, Andrei."
He sighed again. "Why do you keep wanting to get hurt, Sasha."
"It's not even that. Andrei, do you have any idea on what you're doing? To them?"
He looked into my eyes, and again I saw the glistening void, the devil himself. "And how would I? Sasha, you don't seem to get it. It's impossible. How will you know about true fear, if you know too damn well you have nothing to lose? How will you know about their pain, when you've gone through a ton of serum and didn't break?"
No. NO, you're not getting it. "I've been there. I..."
He laughed. "You, who would rather die than leave, think you can grasp what's to fear for your life?"
He wouldn't understand. Right? I let go – I pretty much had to as we heard a knock on the door. Our waiter.
Andrei rushed to open it. "Now, why on earth did I give you a key card, you idiot? Let me think – maybe it was so you could open the door all by yourself? Huh? Now, get a chair and sit. You came at the wrong moment. Sasha, come with me."
He led me to the balcony. We had taken off the suit jackets when we got into the room, and so, the night wind felt chilly against the thin shirt. He drew me closer to him. "Make me proud and I'll give you what you're asking for. Deal?"
"That's not–"
He cut me off, his eyes now mere inches in front of mine, his hand under my chin so I couldn't look away, his voice the eerie whisper I had come to both love and fear. "Or leave. Call it a day, go home. Your call."
I closed my eyes and let my head rest on his chest. Man, he was warm amidst the cool night air. "Okay. Deal."
He had that smirk of his when he pulled me apart. "Okay, then. Let's do this. Make me proud, my boy." He winked playfully. Shit. "Oh, and Sasha. We're not in public. Don't be afraid to go too far. There's no such a thing, anyway."
... SHIT.
